iChat — April 28, 2016
“I Am Sorry for Trying to Hurt You With My Ugly Insults and Language”
Archive ID: 20160428-CHAT-01
Artifact Date: April 28, 2016
Artifact Type: Digital Communication / Apple Messages-iChat Transcript
Evidence Category: Relationship Conflict / Insults and Degradation / Medication References / Sexual Interrogation / Fear and Safety / Parenting / Relationship Repair
Status: Preserved / Public Redacted Copy
Context
This April 28, 2016 Apple Messages/iChat record preserves approximately seven hours of communication between Kyle and me, beginning with ordinary child-related logistics at 7:43 AM and ending at 3:08 PM.
At 10:16 AM, the tone changed sharply.
Kyle wrote:
“Fuck you!!”
Less than one minute later:
“Do me a favor and look for a job you fucking bitch”
The conversation continued for hours and expanded into accusations about parenting, employment, medication, sex, honesty, affection, household responsibility, and the condition of our marriage. My own angry responses, profanity, and insults remain in the public record rather than being removed from it.
The transcript also documents me repeatedly expressing fear, objecting to being questioned about medication and sexuality, saying that personal information was being used against me, asking for counseling, and eventually stating that I did not feel mentally safe discussing my hurts and resentments.
At approximately 3:00 PM, after reading what I had written, Kyle responded:
“... I see and understand what you are saying. You are not wrong.”
“There are things I could and should work on”
and:
“I am sorry for trying to hurt you with my ugly insults and language”
The archive preserves the entire sequence: escalation, my responses, attempts to disengage, attempts to repair the relationship, and Kyle’s later acknowledgment.
Public Redacted Transcript
The following thirteen images are the public redacted publication copy of the April 28, 2016 Apple Messages/iChat transcript.
Page 1 of 13
Public redacted transcript, page 1 of 13. Morning family logistics shift into an argument in which Kyle writes “Fuck you!!” and tells me to “look for a job you fucking bitch.”
Page 2 of 13
Public redacted transcript, page 2 of 13. Kyle calls me an “ungrateful wife and mother,” raises Adderall and Prozac during the conflict, and I object to personal information being used against me.
Page 3 of 13
Public redacted transcript, page 3 of 13. The conflict continues around employment, parenting, affection, household contributions, and being ignored.
Page 4 of 13
Public redacted transcript, page 4 of 13. Kyle states “I'm angry!” as the conversation continues around affection, sex, and responsibility for the relationship.
Page 5 of 13
Public redacted transcript, page 5 of 13. I write, “It's scary to me,” “You scare me,” and “You have anger issues.”
Page 6 of 13
Public redacted transcript, page 6 of 13. I write, “That's why I left. Cause you scare me,” while continuing to try to explain my own hurts.
Page 7 of 13
Public redacted transcript, page 7 of 13. Kyle questions me about secrets and sexuality, calls me a liar, and asks whether I am a lesbian.
Page 8 of 13
Public redacted transcript, page 8 of 13. I describe feeling attacked and interrogated and summarize the questions and accusations directed at me.
Page 9 of 13
Public redacted transcript, page 9 of 13. I summarize the insults and conduct I objected to; Kyle writes, “Yes I'm lashing out, cause I'm hurt,” and later says he will stop being mean.
Page 10 of 13
Public redacted transcript, page 10 of 13. I suggest counseling and tell Kyle I do not feel mentally safe discussing my hurts and resentments with him.
Page 11 of 13
Public redacted transcript, page 11 of 13. I propose distance and taking things “hour by hour,” then describe family demands, moving stress, schoolwork, pain, and exhaustion.
Page 12 of 13
Public redacted transcript, page 12 of 13. I describe unrecognized household labor, physical pain, exhaustion, and my objection to insults, threats, and medication being used against me.
Page 13 of 13
Public redacted transcript, page 13 of 13. Kyle writes that I am “not wrong,” apologizes for trying to hurt me with his insults and language, and says he will treat me better.
Morning Escalation
At 10:15 AM, I wrote:
“Thanks for such a stress free morning!!”
Kyle responded:
“Fuck you!!”
I replied:
“I appreciate your kind gesture taking the kids to school for me.”
Kyle then wrote:
“Do me a favor and look for a job you fucking bitch”
These statements are preserved directly in the contemporaneous communication record.
Attachment 1: iMessage Screenshot
At 10:17:26 AM, I sent IMG_6343.PNG.
iMessage screenshot sent at 10:17:26 AM showing Kyle’s “Fuck you!!” message followed by “Do me a favor and look for a job you fucking bitch.”
“You Are an Ungrateful Wife and Mother”
Minutes later, Kyle wrote:
“You are an ungrateful wife and mother”
I replied:
“You can clearly see what an ungrateful mother I am.”
Five days earlier, on April 23, Kyle had received three photographs from an outing with the children and written:
“Those boys have an awesome mom.”
He then joked that he would have to “up my game” to remain the fun parent.
The archive therefore preserves two dramatically different contemporaneous descriptions of me as a mother within five days.
April 23
“Those boys have an awesome mom.”
April 28
“You are an ungrateful wife and mother.”
The record establishes the contradiction. It does not, by itself, establish why Kyle’s characterization changed.
Attachment 2: Screenshot Sent Again
At 10:21:38 AM, I sent IMG_6343-1.PNG.
The image supplied for this archive is the same screenshot shown above, preserved as a separate attachment because the transcript records a second attachment event.
The same iMessage screenshot was sent again at 10:21:38 AM during the continuing argument.
Medication and Personal Vulnerability
Kyle then wrote:
“You're smoking on Adderall hating me hating the kids miserable and you think it's being done to you”
“You are doing it”
He then repeatedly asked whether I was taking Prozac.
I responded:
“Please refrain from asking me questions.”
“I don't want to talk about myself because you use it as a weapon against me.”
“And you do.”
The record directly establishes that my medication was being raised during the argument and that I contemporaneously objected to personal information being used against me.
Attachment 3: Screenshot Sent by Kyle
At 10:28 AM, Kyle sent IMG_1399.PNG.
The screenshot is from Kyle’s side of the iMessage conversation. The contact at the top is labeled “Rebekah,” while Kyle’s outgoing messages appear in blue.
iMessage screenshot sent by Kyle at 10:29:05 AM from his side of the conversation, showing his messages about Adderall and Prozac.
Attachment 4: Screenshot Sent Again
At 10:29:33 AM, I sent IMG_6343-2.PNG.
The supplied image is again the same earlier screenshot showing Kyle’s “Fuck you!!!” and job-related insult.
The earlier iMessage screenshot documenting Kyle’s insults was sent again at 10:29:33 AM.
“You Scare Me”
The argument continued.
At 11:11 AM, Kyle wrote:
“I'm angry!”
Later, I wrote:
“There is a much bigger picture here.”
“And it's scary to me.”
“You scare me.”
“You have anger issues.”
A few minutes later, I repeated the concern:
“It's out of control!!”
“That's why I left.”
“Cause you scare me.”
These messages preserve my fear contemporaneously and directly to Kyle rather than only as a later recollection.
Attachment 5: Screenshot Sent a Fourth Time
At 11:31:09 AM, after I wrote:
“I can prove that you do.”
I sent IMG_6343-3.PNG.
The supplied file is again the same screenshot documenting the earlier exchange.
The same screenshot was sent again at 11:31:09 AM after I wrote, “I can prove that you do.”
Questions About Secrets and Sexuality
Later, Kyle asked:
“Do you have a secret”
I answered:
“No and please stop asking me questions.”
and:
“I don't want to or deserve to be interrogated by you.”
Kyle subsequently wrote:
“You are a fucking liar”
Then:
“Are you a lesbian”
followed by:
“You've dyked out right and a relationship with another woman right”
I responded:
“I don't need listen to any more of your abuse.”
The archive preserves the language as it appears in the source record.
My Contemporaneous Summary of the Conflict
Around noon, I summarized the behavior I was objecting to:
“And you want to bully me about our sex.”
“And call me a fucking lesbian.”
“And tell me fuck you and that I'm a fucking bitch who needs to get a job.”
“And a liar.”
“And threaten me.”
Kyle asked:
“How have I threatened you”
I responded:
“You tried to threaten me with some kind of ultimatum yesterday.”
I described that ultimatum as:
“either leave me or porn out.”
This distinction is important.
The April 28 transcript establishes my contemporaneous report that I believed Kyle had threatened me with an ultimatum the previous day. It does not independently establish the complete circumstances of that earlier interaction.
Kyle then wrote:
“Yes I'm lashing out, cause I'm hurt”
Shortly afterward:
“I don't know what to say. But I will stop being mean.”
Those are Kyle’s own contemporaneous characterizations of his behavior.
“I Don’t Feel Safe Talking to You”
After the confrontation, I continued trying to address the condition of the marriage.
I wrote:
“I really am at a loss. I really need to be able to talk with you about my hurts and resentments...and I am afraid I can't.”
Then:
“Maybe counseling is in order.”
Kyle urged:
“Voice you grievances”
“Do it”
“Get it out”
I declined.
I later explained:
“I'm just not in a place mentally where I feel safe talking to you about my hurts and resentments.”
and:
“I'll look for counseling...if you decide that you want to work things out.”
Kyle answered:
“I want to work things out”
Distance, Counseling, and “Hour by Hour”
I proposed:
“I think you and I need to remain nice and just keep our distance.”
“Don't think it's wise to cause further damage.”
“And we can't fix this on our own.”
Then:
“I'm just gonna hang out until it's time to pick up the kids. We can just take this hour by hour.”
A few minutes later:
Kyle: “I love you”
Me: “Ok I love you too.”
The archive preserves this shift as well.
The same conversation containing hostility and fear also contains attempts to stabilize the relationship and restore connection.
The Work Behind the Family
Later that afternoon, I began describing the broader circumstances of my resentment.
I described the move, unpacking, caring for three children, driving, schoolwork, organizing the apartment, physical pain, headaches, stomach problems, emotional exhaustion, and the amount of work I believed was going unrecognized.
I wrote:
“the biggest resentment I have is not being appreciated for all the incredibly hard work I've endured...in the pain that I am in. And in the stress as well.”
I also wrote:
“I do a lot behind the scenes.”
Then:
“I don't deserve to be called a bitch. Or threatened. Or to have my medication used against me.”
“It makes it very hard to trust you when you say you love me.”
and:
“It doesn't feel like we are on the same team...you make me feel guilty a lot.”
These messages preserve my contemporaneous account of household labor, caregiving, physical strain, and the relational impact I believed the conflict was having on me.
Kyle’s Acknowledgment
At approximately 3:00 PM, Kyle returned to the conversation after reading what I had written.
He wrote:
“... I see and understand what you are saying. You are not wrong.”
Then:
“There are things I could and should work on”
and:
“I am sorry for trying to hurt you with my ugly insults and language”
I responded:
“I forgive you.”
This portion is especially significant because it is not my later interpretation of Kyle’s intent.
It is Kyle’s own contemporaneous statement that he had been trying to hurt me with his insults and language.
“So I Had Proof That I Tried”
Immediately afterward, I described something that had happened with one of the children.
I wrote:
“Like yesterday, I tried to put sunscreen on [REDACTED – MINOR’S INFORMATION]...and you know how he hates for me to put stuff on his skin...”
Then:
“Well his cheeks were looking red and I thought you were going to accuse me of not taking care of him...”
“I took this pic...”
At 3:05:13 PM, I sent IMG_6327.JPG.
I then wrote:
“So you could see that I tried.”
and:
“Sunscreen in the pic...so I had proof that I tried!!”
The photograph itself does not establish why I took it.
The messages establish what I told Kyle my reason was: I wanted documentation that I had tried because I anticipated being accused of not taking care of the child.
Attachment 6: Sunscreen Photograph
Photograph sent at 3:05:13 PM after I explained that I had tried to apply sunscreen to a child and wanted documentation that I had tried. A pink SPF 55 sunscreen stick is visible on the table.
Reset
After the sunscreen discussion, Kyle wrote:
“I will make sure that I resolve those things and treat you better”
I responded:
“Let's reset!!”
“I'm willing!!”
Kyle wrote:
“I'm sorry”
and:
“Me too”
I replied:
“Okay well great!! :)”
“That's what we need to do!!”
In context, Kyle’s “Me too” follows my statement that I was willing to reset.
I did not apologize in this reset sequence.
Analysis
April 28 is substantially different from the ordinary family communications preserved immediately before it.
The source directly records Kyle telling me:
“Fuck you!!”
“Do me a favor and look for a job you fucking bitch”
“You are an ungrateful wife and mother”
It records him raising Adderall and Prozac during the argument, calling me a “fucking liar,” questioning me about secrets and sexuality, and asking whether I was a lesbian.
It also records my responses.
I swore. I called Kyle selfish, ignorant, mean, a fool, a clown, and other insults. I responded angrily throughout portions of the argument.
Those statements are not removed from the archive.
The evidentiary significance does not depend on presenting me as calm or faultless.
It comes from preserving the complete sequence.
I repeatedly expressed fear, objected to personal information and medication being used against me, attempted to stop the questioning, suggested counseling, stated that I did not feel mentally safe discussing my hurts, proposed distance, and continued explaining the household and caregiving strain I was experiencing.
Kyle subsequently wrote:
“Yes I'm lashing out, cause I'm hurt”
Then:
“I will stop being mean.”
Later:
“You are not wrong.”
And finally:
“I am sorry for trying to hurt you with my ugly insults and language.”
Those are Kyle’s own statements.
Comparison With April 23
Five days earlier, on April 23, Kyle wrote:
“Those boys have an awesome mom.”
On April 28:
“You are an ungrateful wife and mother.”
Both descriptions exist within the same contemporaneous communication archive only five days apart.
The significance is not that either isolated statement establishes everything about my parenting.
The significance is that both statements exist, close in time, under dramatically different relational circumstances.
The archive preserves both.
Archive Note
This artifact is preserved as primary-source contemporaneous relationship communication.
Names and identifying information belonging to minors have been redacted from the public transcript. The underlying source material is preserved separately.
The April 28 transcript records six attachment events:
IMG_6343.PNG
IMG_6343-1.PNG
IMG_1399.PNG
IMG_6343-2.PNG
IMG_6343-3.PNG
IMG_6327.JPG
The supplied versions of IMG_6343.PNG, IMG_6343-1.PNG, IMG_6343-2.PNG, and IMG_6343-3.PNG show the same iMessage screenshot. They are retained separately because the transcript records the screenshot being sent at four different points during the conversation.
IMG_1399.PNG is a separate iMessage screenshot from Kyle’s side of the conversation showing the medication-related messages.
IMG_6327.JPG is the photograph referenced in the sunscreen discussion.
This archive distinguishes direct statements from contemporaneous reports and later interpretation. Where I reported being threatened, frightened, interrogated, or anticipating an accusation, those statements are identified as my contemporaneous reports unless another source independently establishes the underlying event.
For website display, sequences of three exclamation points in quoted source text are shown as two exclamation points because the publishing software renders the third character incorrectly. This is a display normalization only. The underlying source retains its original punctuation.
Source: Apple Messages/iChat archive
Date: April 28, 2016
Time Range: 7:43:18 AM–3:08:01 PM PDT
Public Transcript Files:
20160428-CHAT-redacted_Page_01.png through 20160428-CHAT-redacted_Page_13.png
